


Speaking For Himself

by kyburg



Category: Asterix the Gaul
Genre: Canon like whoa, Gen, Not slash sorry, People You Meet Along The Way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-21
Updated: 2009-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-04 20:22:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyburg/pseuds/kyburg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Asterix has to come to terms with the status quo he enjoys with his old friend Obelix...and come up with some solutions to the things that remain missing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Speaking For Himself

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lady Ganesh](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Lady+Ganesh).



And so, there it was.

Asterix sat at the table, surfeit after a large meal of wild boar and watched as his best friend finished his meal. Looking up to meet his eyes, Obelix smiled, blinked, belched and got to clear the table.

Same as last night. And the one before that.

It wasn't that he wasn't a fine cook of wild boar, no sir. And he was plenty adept at hunting them as well. He was sturdy, genial, reliable, often quite helpful and certainly trustworthy. He couldn't remember a time without him and -

Oh.

Wasn't there supposed to be a time when there was supposed to be more?

_I mean, really. Were we supposed to grow old and die together as well? Just the two of us unmarried bachelor types and all?_

It wasn't a topic he thought about much, things being what they were. It always seemed there was something for the two of them - and just the two of them - to do, had to do, and did!

It kept one rather busy. And away from the thoughts of the fairer sex, perhaps settling down and producing a family and lineage like the others did. By Toutatis, Panacea and Tragicomix had certainly wasted no time in the matter - what was it now, six or seven children and another on the way? Good thing Panacea enjoyed being pregnant - the glow just made her all the prettier.

And Obelix cried every time he saw her.

Sighing, he pushed away from the table. It just wasn't fair. It wasn't a lack of interest, after all.

It was no problem catching the eye of a pretty girl - for him. It might be worth mentioning that the ladies even preferred small and lively, had he no conscience on the matter. Watching Obelix toss a bone to Dogmatix to gnaw, he nodded internally to himself. Yes, Obelix had noticed at some point. He had mentioned that the wee canine might not be as good a match for his best friend, and had received only affronted objections to the idea.

But Dogmatix was _tiny_ compared to his master, and anyone would agree he was adorable in a way only the small and well-formed were.

_Ah. There's the problem._

Obelix, rising from placing the plate on the ground for his pet, looked over at Asterix and cocked his head. "Such a long face Asterix! Was something wrong with dinner?"

"Oh, it's nothing. Dinner was absolutely delicious, as always - very tasty!" Grinning, his mind continued to toss over the matter of who would come along, or why, to change this very stable, but ultimately unsatisfying arrangement. That was the matter indeed - they were happy. They had all the Romans they could ruin, every night could be wild boar for dinner (and it would never get old), Obelix could carve all the menhirs he could from dawn to dusk - and unless someone showed up to complicate their lives, it was good.

Good - and was there nothing more? It was like a itch between his shoulder blades that he really couldn't reach to scratch properly...and he really didn't want to show it.

Obelix didn't remind him often of the distress his lack of female companionship caused him. But it was there, right below the surface and Asterix never forgot how it had shown itself, time and again. It wasn't that he was picky, or fancied unlikely girls. They were all lovely, charming examples of female virtue. Not the plain, cross or uncooperative type - no, he unerringly went towards ladies who would promise a level head, a lovely face that could do nothing but age well, a compassionate heart and a quick mind. They never seemed to see Obelix in the same way, however. Just that he was round, large and tongue-tied.

It made him _very_ reluctant to pursue any lady himself, you understand. It would just not be fair.

"Then I believe I will turn in for the night, Asterix." Rising from the table, Obelix automatically stooped to avoid the ceiling, moving slowly and carefully to avoid spilling the table, toppling the chairs, making his way to his bunk as Asterix watched, ready for slumber. "You coming?"

"I'll be along," he replied. "Sweet dreams, old friend."

"Going to go visit the stars again? Make a wish for me, you know the one."

_Oh, don't I just know it._ "Of course, Obelix. Of course."

###

And so began his quest to find a solution. How could he possibly _encourage_ the perfect situation to occur where a female for Obelix would appear? The Romans had been, to be certain, less than accommodating about such things. They saw the same legionnaires all the time, with some change once in a while when they broke one beyond mending and a replacement was sent out; but they never brought anything resembling suitable women along.

They knew all the families with suitable daughters. And also knew all of the suitable matches that had already been made for them.

And when a particularly winsome girl showed up, she hence became all the more beautiful by her singular nature.

It was too much for his poor head to figure out. He went in search of Getafix while Obelix happily worked away in the quarry.

Getafix allowed the pleasantries to continue, as Asterix struggled to find a way to broach the subject without sounding ungrateful, immodest or unhappy. There was no hurry, after all - was there? There was nothing wrong with the way things were - was there? It was just - incomplete. Something was missing.

And he did not want Obelix to go through life carving menhirs and lonely. And to be honest, Asterix was anxious to begin finding that singular lady for his house as well, you understand.

Raising a hand, he motioned Asterix to silence. "You have not quarreled. I would know. And, I understand your concern. Most of your contemporaries have already settled down and begun their families. It is normal that you might wonder when your turn would come for such things."

"It just seems unfair that Obelix be left behind, you understand. I can't do that to him. I insist he go first."

The old druid chuckled and shook his head. "You say that like you could make it happen that way."

Hopeful, Asterix turned his face towards Getafix and met his eyes. "Surely, you know of a way. Say, some magic that would show you were his true love was - or maybe even a clue? A direction? We've done so much with less to go on, you know!"

He sadly shook his head. "Were that it was so. I would have enlisted such help long ago, for every other kind of reason."

Asterix wilted as he stood before the druid. "You have no other suggestions?"

"Well, there is one," Getafix said, stroking his beard thoughtfully. "One I doubt you had considered."

"Oh?"

"Have you forgotten you know of a very reliable source of information on the matter?" The twinkle in Getafix's eye made Asterix slightly nervous. Someone - more knowledgeable - that he already knew? Come on, he'd been racking his brain on the matter for days, who would that possibly be - oh, wait.

"You're not suggesting..."

"Oh, I very am, indeed. I think you should prepare for the journey at once, without delay. _Without_ Obelix, I think."

"Consult the High Priestess of the Isle of Pleasure?"

"The very one. Straight away."

Sighing, Asterix turned to leave. "Then I have to go hunting, right now."

Frowning, Getafix cocked his head. "Hunting?"

"For wild boar. Only thing they have there is stuff you can't live on - I may have to cook it as well!"

Getafix hid a smile under his hand. "May Toutatis hear you. I'll explain the matter to Obelix - in a way that won't concern him, Asterix. Of course I won't mention the - you know. Your magic potion will be ready before you leave."

He only shook his head, packing his bags in his head and retracing the route from memory. "It's going to be very strange indeed, traveling that far without him. But the sooner I get started, the sooner I'll be home. Guess I'd better get on with it."

###

It had been easier than falling asleep under a summer sky. Surely, the gods had been in agreement this was the only right thing to do. It had been as if he had drawn to the exact place where the small boat waited at the shore, and the sounds of the priestesses singing could barely be heard over the waves. Just like before.

Only this time, he had been ready for their call and welcomed it, knowing what lay on the other side. The quarrel had never been with him, after all. And if his mind had turned to that day when the task had been to escape the Isle, it had always remembered the priestesses with some fondness.

Heaving the fat boar's carcass into the boat, and tossing in the herbs and vegetables to make it a fine meal with it, he pushed off to complete the trip across the water. Wondering if anything had changed, he felt a smile cross his face. It would be good to see them again, under friendly circumstances. Yes, it would indeed.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" As the bottom of the boat scraped the ground beneath it making landfall, Asterix looked up to see the Chief Priestess of the Isle of Pleasure regarding him with a wry smile reaching all the way to her beautiful violet eyes. Flanked by her acolytes and sister priestesses, she only looked the lovelier for it.

"If it's all the same, m'am - I'm here to apologize for my rudeness at my last visit, and to bring you a gift." Tipping his helmet, he jumped out of the boat to further secure it on the shore. "Will you allow me a visit?"

"Granted, and be welcome among us...bold warrior." The last words were purred with warm satisfaction, and looking back at her, he felt his face flush at the very intimate way she looked at him, deeply and with great interest. He hadn't had someone so glad to see him in a very long time, and it was unexpected - to say the least.

"Would you allow me to serve you dinner tonight, my lady? I came prepared, as you can see."

The younger priestesses tittered behind her as she dropped her eyes and smiled. "You may serve me in any way you wish, tonight. I look forward to it."

Motioning to a few behind her, a pair of statuesque beauties stepped forward to assist him as his jaw dropped. "I don't remember such...healthy...members among you the last time I was here, my lady."

"You were...distracted," she said, purring. "We are quite capable of taking care of ourselves, and that extends to being able to protect ourselves as well."

"Say no more, my lady," he answered, "I completely understand...and under the circumstances, approve!"

Dinner was delicious, the fine boar fed all who came to taste it - but once the meal was over, Asterix found himself quite alone with the Chief Priestess. The others had left in twos and threes, leaving them alone - even taking the dishes away.

"That was very kind of you," she said, still sounding like a well-pampered pet. "We don't get to experience such cuisine on our island very often."

"No," he replied, "I remember." She poured him another glass of wine, as well as one for herself. Taking it in one slender hand, she leaned back in her chair and took a sip, watching him over the rim of the glass.

"You would have something of me," she said quietly as she finished.

"Oh, my lady - surely you know the answer to this!" He opened his mouth to utter the question, realized just what he was about to ask and to whom, and grabbed the wine instead and gulped it down. "It's - it's - it's --"

Her eyebrows raised, she waited for him to gain some composure, then spoke. "It's not for you," she stated quietly.

"Oh no, no it's not...and I'm at my wits end as to what to do about it!" Thinking again, he grabbed the bottle and poured himself another glass. "That's not entirely true. It is about me, but it's not. I want - I would like - oh, bother!"

One slender finger silenced him as it was placed on his lips. "I remember your friend. I also remember your devotion to one another." Sitting back, she thought a moment before speaking again. "Is it not possible you would find happiness with each other?"

"What, you mean?" His eyebrows shot into his hairline. "By Toutatis, no - but. We are as happy as we can be together - as things stand." Flushing, he considered his lap. "I'm sorry...but no. There's really something missing, and it's not something Obelix can do for me."

"That's why you're so reluctant to seek it elsewhere, I believe. You would not hurt your friend's feelings by telling him you wish to seek love with another."

"Exactly! You _do_ understand!"

She only chuckled. "What he will find, he will find on his own, fear not. As for your desires...it is best that you speak of them for yourself, and seek them, honestly and openly. If he really does cherish you as much you do him, he will wish you as much happiness in your pursuit that you wish him."

He could have cried with relief. "I will. I promise, from now on!"

If it was possible for her to glow with more inner light, she did. "That pleases me greatly," she murmured. "And it has made me happier than you know that you have returned to entrust me with your concerns this way." Was that a blush he beheld on that perfect face?

"You were the best person anyone could ask," he replied, reaching for the hand still resting on the tabletop.

Noting the gesture, she returned it and looked him full in the eye. "What would you have of me...bold warrior?"

"I thought you would never ask."

###

Asterix returned to Armorica the next morning, well-fed, sated and with two of the tallest, strongest, smartest women he had ever met...who could not _wait_ to meet his very best friend. Surely, if no spark came from this, others could be struck in much the same way.

They were anxious to meet a man who was just as skilled a warrior as he, but differed in the most important ways...namely size!

The boat literally almost fell into the water under their weight as he rowed them to shore.

"They say men weep upon leaving our island," one said. "I do not believe this is true in your case."

"Oh no," he replied happily. "I know I can always return - that's the reason!" _And, I will - for sure!_


End file.
